I was thinking the other day that this is the week that Jesus went from being “Hosanna” the King to “King of the Jews” hanging on the cross. He went from celebrating to eating his “last supper”. I was trying to imagine how he must have felt. After all, Jesus was human as well as God. He laughed, he cried, he was frustrated, he got angry and he felt sorrow.
I remember very clearly the week leading up to my thoracotomy (that’s getting part of your lung cut out for you non-medical people). I remember that I felt excited that the cancer was going to be cut out so that it (hopefully) wouldn’t spread any more. I remember being terrified that I might die right there on the table or that I might never be able to sing again. I got my house in order for my husband and children. I updated my will and my living will. I hugged my children extra close and kissed my husband extra long. I remember savoring my last meal the night before the surgery knowing that I would not be eating for several days. I couldn’t sleep the night before because of my nerves, my fear, and my sorrow.
Now, I am not normally a very emotional person. I knew that this HAD to be done. I did not sit and cry through dinner the night before. I explained to my children what would be happening and what they would expect over the next couple of weeks.
That night, laying in my bed however, I did cry like a baby. I prayed that God would do His will through this, that I would make it through.
Before I went into the surgical room I was sitting in the hallway just waiting and the enormity of it all just hit me. I started crying. The nurse came out and asked me if I was okay and I remember telling him, “Yes. I know that this needs to be done. This is a life-saving procedure. But, I’m scared. I just want to get it over with.” He was so kind, this nurse, he held my hand and said, “Don’t worry. It will be over with soon and we will take good care of you.”
I tell you all of this for a reason. Jesus, who experienced death, went through these same things! He made preparations for his children; he talked to them about what would happen so that they would be prepared. He told them and expressed to them how much he loved them. He went to the Garden of Gethsemane and cried out to God to take what was about to happen from him. He knew he had to go through this life-saving “procedure”. And I believe in that garden, after he poured his heart and tears out to His father, after he concluded with “But not my will, but Yours be done”, God the Father took his hand and said, “Don’t worry. It will be over with soon and I will take good care of you.”